After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
