Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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