I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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