Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I love you. Go after that dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
