Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
