How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
