yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
