Already got asked if we're dating
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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