she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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