I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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