theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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