my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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