The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
