No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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