we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
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Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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