therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
