I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
