I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
