Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
