um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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