Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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