i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
