he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
