Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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