Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
