dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
