You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
