she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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