People in love make me want to vomit
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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