i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
