I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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