see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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