it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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