The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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