I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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