Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
