I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
