I wish I could punch you in the face.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
