He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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