Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
