Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea