eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
