This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me