She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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It is literally 8 in the morning.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.