guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
