you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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