Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
