Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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