So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
