i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
