Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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