giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I would fuck him just for his dog
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
