Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
