New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
