the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
