I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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