I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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