Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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