I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
