I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
birth control should be required to get into college
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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