In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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