then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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