So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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