I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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