oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
