I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
