everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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