I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
