I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
