I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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