it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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