I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
