Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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