Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
