Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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