3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
