Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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