All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sext me about skeletons
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