glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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