I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
