sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
