An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't turn off my feet"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
