Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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