Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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