i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
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Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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