At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
