did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
