were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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