Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
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what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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