The maid of honor just puked.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
